I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I could make wine with my vomit
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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