The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
