It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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