it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
