my phone needs a breathalizer
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
