Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
