Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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