Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
