I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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