Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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