im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
