once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
