i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
