just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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