I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
