I wish I could punch you in the face.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize