I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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