I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize