so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
