I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
