Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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