Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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