People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
