I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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