This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
