Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
