i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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