It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
