i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Randomize
