I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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