today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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