my mouth tastes like poor choices
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize