Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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