Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize