well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
