I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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