Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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