im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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