We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
