just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
