Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
