He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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