a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
