Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
