everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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