You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize