DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
