My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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