I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You need Xanax blowdarts
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
