Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
