That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
