1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Randomize
