Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
