mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
