last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You were trust falling into bushes
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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