North Korea, Best Korea!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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