Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
