He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
