when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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