Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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