mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
