can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
