i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
