hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
