you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
