And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
