Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
