he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
