i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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