Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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