she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
