He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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