i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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