After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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