why didn't you poke me back
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
