She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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