I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
