he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
