If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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