i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
