I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Randomize
