How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
