We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize