According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
