Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
