Need sex. Gaining weight.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Terrible idea I love it
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
