My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
