There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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