I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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