You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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