The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
