You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
