I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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