wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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