i would punch a child for taco bell
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Randomize
