After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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