If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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