I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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