You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize