Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
