Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
