She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I understand Curling. That high.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
