He is such a slut. More and more my type.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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