God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
