I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
