You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
