she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
