Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
