Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
