I need help removing her.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
