Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
