My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
